5 Questions To Ask Your Spouse Every Week

Questions To Ask Your Spouse - Married Couple Walking

I have not been married very long, but something I have picked up is just how huge communication is. It’s a big deal. Regardless of however long you’ve been married, you can probably agree with me on this. In our culture where everything is going on at a million miles per second (and that is not even including having a family), Joelle and I have to be incredibly intentional for communication to take place within our marriage, otherwise it just won’t happen.

That being said, we decided to make a commitment to meet each week and discuss these 5 questions inspired by Today’s Letters. It felt a little strange at first, but over time it became part of our regular rhythm and it has paid off in huge ways for us personally. I would suggest these questions to anyone who is married to improve communication and the quality of your relationship with each other.

We have this discussion every week at the end of the week and make it mandatory for us. Yes, we have had to delay getting a chance to discuss these questions every now and then, but we still make an effort to make it happen. Let me just make one point to husbands and wives real quick before I write out the questions.

Husbands: It is your responsibility to initiate this discussion each and every week. You are the head of the household and the Bible says you are to love your wife as Christ loved the Church (Ephesians 5:25-28). So when it’s the end of the week and you’re tired from work or other responsibilities and maybe don’t feel like having this discussion, too bad. You need to act like a man, step up, and lead and love your wife. Outside of our own relationship with Christ, your wife is the next priority and comes first, even before you. Be honored and consider it a privilege that God sees you fit to lead and love your wife. The moment you consider these types of things to be “stupid” or “a pain,” consider what Christ has done for you. Consider the Cross. Let Jesus humble you.

Wives: You need to pray for your husband. Believe that God can do a work in any man’s heart to change him and lead him to be the husband Christ calls him to be. Be patient and gentle with him especially as he makes attempts to lead. Encourage him in this process. There is nothing more powerful than a wife who encourages her husband. At that point, he feels like superman and will have an even stronger desire to lead you and love you the way you deserve. When (not if) he falls short of leading (since he is not perfect), continue to encourage him and provide patience, he will eventually get back up and lead again.

Here are 5 questions to ask your spouse every week:

1. How Did You Feel Loved This Past Week?

Take some time to review your week’s schedule. Sometimes when we discuss this question ourselves, we have to go through each day on our calendars to remember what took place. The cool thing about this question is that over time, you can start taking notes during the week of when these moments take place so you can look forward to sharing it when you meet with your spouse.

For both of you, also consider it an opportunity to learn more about your spouse and what areas you need to improve on to help him/her feel loved throughout the week. You actually get the opportunity each week to discuss how you felt loved so you know if you are both open and honest, you have plenty of opportunities with each other for encouragement and to share difficulties.

2. What Does Your Upcoming Week Look Like?

This is a great chance to now look at your calendar for the next week. Here, you can plan your date nights, family nights, review work and big projects happening that week, and let each other know what’s on your plate. There may be one week where the husband has a heavy load, so wives…you may need to help him a little more often that week. Husbands, you get the opportunity to know what’s going on in your wife’s world, so that you can be sacrificial and help her in every area.

I personally have found that this question helps avoid surprises during the week (for the most part), and provides opportunities to be intentional and actually plan out your days and evenings.

3. How Can I Pray For You This Week?

Prayer is one of the most important things we can do for our spouse. It is also probably one of the most difficult things to do for most people because we let the day attack us and have its way with us. By the time we remember to pray about anything, we are often falling asleep. This question helps remind each other to be intentional about prayer, and it shows us how our spouse’s walk with Christ is going.

There is something so incredible about humbling ourselves in our marriage. Admitting we can’t do life alone and need prayer to draw closer to God and to each other. It creates a continued dependency on The Lord and both the husband and wife can come before God and present their requests. I would suggest not only discussing this each week, but make time to actually pray with each other, on the spot.

4. How Would You Feel Loved & Encouraged This Week?

Similar to prayer, this question helps to make things very specific on how best to love and encourage your spouse. For example, Joelle can ask for prayer on opportunities to share the Gospel, but can also share that a way she would feel loved that week would be for me to spend more time with her. Or maybe I could leave her a simple note in the morning to encourage her throughout the day.

This question helps give insight and a tangible opportunity for us to love and encourage each other. Try to be as honest and specific as possible when answering this question.

5. How Would You Feel Pursued In Sex & Intimacy This Week?

This question felt a little strange (we laughed) at first, but got easier with each week that passed by for us. There were times it even felt a little legalistic, but what I love about this question is that it helps make sex and intimacy a priority. Your spouse might also surprise with you the answers.

Husbands, pay careful attention to this question. Again, it is your responsibility to continue pursuing your wife and if she is not feeling intimacy within your marriage, you need to address that and step it up. Likewise for wives, this is also a big deal for husbands so take him seriously with his answers.

Sometimes these conversations can last for 5 minutes, or for 45 minutes. Make time and be available for it to go either way. You never know what the next week will bring you. This is only one tool and I know there are many out there. At the end of the day, the point is to be able to have open and honest communication with your spouse. There is no other relationship here on earth (outside of your relationship with God through Christ) that is more important. Why not make every effort for improvement and to love each other?

You may take all 5 of these questions or just 1 of them to discuss each week. You may even completely change them and adapt them to be a custom fit to your own marriage. Whatever you do, at least make the effort to work on communication. Husbands, take the first step every week to work on your marriage. Wives, have patience and encourage your husband in this.

Wherever you are at, pray that the Holy Spirit will lead you in this process. Ultimately, seek to have a God glorifying marriage with excellent communication. That will speak volumes to a culture that does not value this. It will be an opportunity for you to share with others what Jesus has done for you and how salvation is available to all (Titus 2:11).

Questions: Are there questions you would add or take away from these? Do you have a set time each week to discuss these matters within your own marriage? Why not? Please comment below.

Saved by Grace through Faith. In love with Jesus, His Glory, and obviously my beautiful wife Joelle, daughter Peyton, and son Matthew! Seeking Him in everything to glorify Him and spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Pastor at Austin Life Church.

Please note: We reserve the rights to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

  • Praise the Lord!! Brother Mike. I’m so blessed to have read this. Thank you for sharing Godly wisdom.

    Sex, communication and money are the three main factors that need to continually be addressed in any marriage. My wife and I have our sessions whenever the need arises and as the Holy Spirit leads and it’s amazing what’s unearthed during those moments.

    One thing I’ve taught myself is always to apologize first…even when it’s not my fault.

    One of the principles of love that God has taught me is that –

    Love is always first given…and never first received.

    Once we fully understand this principle as husbands, we step up in any and every situation not because we should, but because we must.

    For God so loved…

    • Thanks man! I’ve been taught something similar, basically in our marriage whenever there is a disagreement or regardless of who is wrong, it is up to me to take the first step towards reconciliation. Basically, I will be held accountable for the state of our marriage.

      Ultimately, it’s a great encouragement that we can love our wives first regardless of the circumstance because Christ first loved us (1 John 4:19).

  • Nomad

    I loved this and plan to use this. Thanks for sharing! And I had a nice surprise at the end when I saw your bio, Mike, and that you are a minister at 121CC! I went to 121CC for 3 years when I lived in Texas and I loved it! I miss the people, worship, and Ross’s teaching! I live in SE Asia now but I try to visit 121 when I visit the States.

    • Thank you so much, would love to hear how it helps after you start using it!

      That’s awesome about 121, small world, would love to meet you whenever you make it back in the states. Have a great week!

  • Dan

    These are great questions and a nice way to keep disciplining yourself to openly communicate on daily/weekly basis. I know that in our culture of texting and Tweeting and the like, open communication that’s face-to-face isn’t embraced like it was. Add the constant “white-noise” that comes from our entertainment boxes, and you’ve got a household that relies on noise and filler sounds, rather than loving and humble communication. Great post Mike!

    This is the kind of stuff I want to see more of from BTC…

    • Thanks Dan! It definitely takes a discipline for us to continuously communicate with each other each week. Thanks for the encouragement!

  • Matthew Gaither

    Good stuff, Mike! I know I need to do better in communicating with my wife and encouraging her in the way that she needs to be encouraged. I am going to make this list a habit in my house as well.

    • Awesome to hear Matthew! Keep us updated on how things go with it! Just the fact alone that you want to love your wife should be a huge encouragement!

      • Matthew Gaither

        I have been praying for a closer and more vibrant relationship with my wife for several weeks now so this post is an answer to prayer. Thank you for your faithfulness, Mike.

  • Faith

    Mike is there any way to contact you either via email or private message? I have a question for you, but don’t want to post it here. I have been searching for an answer for a very long time and wonder if you might be able to help me.

  • Nate

    Ephesians 5 doesn’t say the husband is the head of the household.

    • It depends on how you are defining head of the household Nate. Since Scripture speaks to husbands loving their wives as Christ has loved the Church…and it’s a sacrificial type of love that puts the wife first…including presenting her spotless and without a wrinkle before God…I believe the husband will give an account on the state of his marriage when Christ returns.

      I believe it’s the husband responsibility to take the first step, every time. Even if he feels like he shouldn’t have to…that’s what makes it sacrificial and loving with grace. So at the end of the day, I would say the husband is the head of the household. Thanks for commenting!

  • Carole Castagna

    Mike, this is a beautiful post! Communication between spouses would seem so basic and easy but many times couples find that it is the most difficult thing to accompllsh in their marriage! What a great message and thought-provoking questions. God bless. Carol

    • Thank you so much! It definitely seems to be something to hold on to as a high priority within marriage whether you’re a newlywed or been married for 50 years! Appreciate the encouragement.

  • Sherrie

    “Never in my life have I seen magic work so fast. I ordered a love spells from drstanleyspelltemple@hotmail.com because my man was acting like he didn’t want to be with me anymore and spending less time with me before we broke up and i ask Dr. Stanley to cast a love spell on him to make him love me again and come back to me which he did and in the next 24hours after the spell was cast my man came to my house to beg for forgiveness and ask me to accept him back. Thank you Dr. for your help…Sherrie

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